TNB Book Club 5.01: Role Model

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Welcome back to The Nerd Blitz Book Club! In this 1st of a 2 part series, we are celebrating the upcoming release of the new Dan Shamble, Zombie P.I. short story collection, Services Rendered, by reading and discussing the 1st 3 chapters of the short story Role Model written by Kevin J. Anderson.

We dissect the detail that only a true fan of all things nerd could understand and nail, monsters and their rules are debated, jokes are made, and fun is had, gang.

So grab a copy of this story, available in the Working Stiff short story collection, and join us in the Unnatural Quarter for this fun read.

URL: TNB Book Club 5.01: Role Model
Direct Download: tnbbc005001.mp3

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Fitz’s Toy Chest #6 – Bossk

Welcome back guys to another random pull from Fitz’s Toy Chest!

Last time I put the spotlight on a Kenner Star Wars figure it was a mail away figure and this time I’m keeping with the same theme.

The Empire Strikes Back introduced not only the most famous Bounty Hunter in the Star Wars universe but gave us and entire TEAM of a intriguing characters in what was basically a throwaway moment aboard Vader’s Star Destroyer.

Out of that crew the coolest and more interesting member has to be Bossk (not counting Boba Fett obviously). And Kenner must’ve felt the same because not long after the new ESB line of figures came out they gave Bossk the distinct honor of being first mail in figure since Boba Fett.

I saved up my proofs of purchase, mailed them off, and anxiously awaiting the agonizing 8 weeks for delivery. And guess what? It never arrived.

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Bossk
Company: Kenner
Acquisition Year: 1980/81
Acquired via: Mail-in* (*special circumstances)
Years In Possession: 38

 

In today’s world of 1-click purchases on Amazon and 2 day shipping, it’s unthinkable that in 1980 you would literally put little pieces of cardboard in an envelope, address it, stamp it, and mail it, and then wait MONTHS to get your “free” figure.

But that’s exactly what I did.

Only my figure never showed up. I was crushed. What happened? Where was it? Was it ever going to come?

Weeks turned into months. By the time Christmas arrived that year I had given up on Bossk completely. It was so unfair. I did what they said. I mailed in my proofs of purchase and they stiffed me!

Then something amazing happened. When I was digging through my stocking I found….Bossk!!!

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Santa Claus sure was smart. He knew Kenner did me dirty and set things right.

It wasn’t until many years later that I put the pieces together and realized what had actually happened. And it was years after THAT (after I started to understand how cash strapped we were when I was growing up) that I understood WHY it happened that way.

Obviously that Bossk had been intercepted before I could find it in the mail, and it was the perfect way to pad Christmas without spending any additional money.

Anyway, onto the figure itself.

20180922_131001I was always fascinated by the shape of this fugure’s gun. Kenner reused a lot of weapons between different figures, for example X-wing Luke and Han shared the same gun, IG-88, Snowtrooper and Dengar all had weapons in common, hell even Boba Fett’s gun was just a repurposed Stormtrooper blaster.

It always stood out to me when a figure was given a unique weapon, and Bossk’s was definitely unusual.

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I also liked how the ESB bounty hunters were such a mishmash of other costumes. With Bossk it was the inclusion of the rebel pilot chest harness that captured my imagination. I’m not sure why but it looked very primitive and wild on him.

All in all, Bossk was one of my favorite action figures from the old Kenner line. He really stands out.

Well that’s all for this week gang, come back again in 2 short weeks for another dive into Fitz’s Toy Chest!

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Episode 063: Doom, You Ignorant Slut

9780525619376In this episode, the boys are back and saying sounds about stuff you may enjoy hearing sounds said about!

Fitz has more Con stories, Doom has a double Pimp Spot and a follow-up on a previous Pimp Spot, then shit gets sober as an Icon gets eulogized and a Twitter joke gets explained.

Balls get broke, Star Wars books get talked about, the requisite Shamble mention happens, and references come too fast and too furious for anybody of sound mind to keep up.

Enjoy it, and see ya back here next week, gang!

 

URL: Episode 063: Doom, You Ignorant Slut
Direct Download: tnb063.mp3

Fitz’s Toy Chest: #4 – Anakin Skywalker

Welcome back to another edition of Fitz’s Toy Chest!

This week I’m going to take you back to the world of 80s Kenner Star Wars and share with you the very LAST figure in the original line that I ever purchased….

Anakin Skywalker
Company: Kenner
Acquisition Year: 1991/92
Acquired via: Purchase, Decades Of Toys
Years In Possession: 27

Yes you read that right, 1991/92.

But Fitz, wasn’t the original Kenner line defunct and totally out of stores by 1987?

You’re correct, it was.

By 1991 there was only one way to get your hands on Star Wars figures outside of the odd garage sale or flea market, and that was at a vintage toy store.

Before the very late 80s early 90s, there really was no such thing as a vintage toy store. You can practically thank the Kenner Star Wars toys for creating that niche business.

During my senior year of high school my friend Ken and I noticed a new store had opened up near the high school in the tiniest shithole building you could imagine. We saw it driving home one day and what grabbed our attention besides the garish yellow painted brick facade was the fact that out front the owner had set up some very familiar play sets.

“Is that the fucking Ewok Village?” I said in disbelief. It sure was.

The store was called Decades of Toys and it was a glorified hoarder’s basement.

When we finally went in there one day there was shit stacked EVERYWHERE. And nothing was even approaching “mint” condition. It literally felt like someone just gathered up all the old toys from everyone they grew up with and opened a store to sell them. I’ve since seen nicer flea market stalls.

But despite the thin film of grime and dust on everything, it was awesome to see so many vintage toys in one place. Not just Star Wars either, he had a little bit of everything.

The kind that owned the place looked like Doug Henning’s mildly retarded brother. Or a thinner version of the filmaker’s friend in American Movie. He didn’t say a word as we browsed around his shop, instead he just sat there grinning at us behind a pile of toys. It was pretty unsettling to be honest.

He had the gray trays from the old Star Wars vinyl collector case set out on a counter displaying loose figures for sale, and one caught my eye. It was one of the very few figures I never got my hands on.

It was Anakin Skywalker. The old man version from end of the original cut of Jedi. Sebastian Shaw was the actor. And I had to have it.

20180901_111426.jpgAnakin was orginally one the many mail away offers that Kenner had over the entire Star Wars run. It was a genius marketing tool that they basically invented out of necessity when the toys weren’t ready for Christmas ’77. The first mailaway figures were the ones that came in the famous “early bird” set. Of course my first mailaway opportunity was the famous (or infamous) rocket firing Boba Fett (which of course arrived minus the advertised rocket firing action). Every major expansion of the line had a mailaway offer. Star Wars had Fett, Empire had 4-LOM and Bossk, Jedi had Nien Numb and the Emperor. Mailaways were awesome. All you had to do was save up 5 proofs of purchase and mail them in and a short 6-8 weeks later BOOM a new figure showed up in the mailbox.

Anyway.

20180901_110629.jpgAnakin was one of, if not THE LAST, mailaway figure Kenner offered and for whatever reason I just wasn’t in a hurry to get him. I guess I thought there was plenty of time, and they always reissued the mailaways as a carded figure that you could buy in the store. But by the timr that happened for Anakin, the line was winding down and getting harder to find in stores (at least new figures and not the same peg warmers that were always available and would eventually be clearanced out).

So I never got him.

He wasn’t exactly the same white whale as say a Yak Face, but when I saw him there in Decades of Toys, I wasn’t about to pass him up.

I want to say he was maybe $6 at the time? Even carded figures back then were still incredibly cheap compared to 2018. He wasn’t carded but he was absolutely pristine. The plastic still had a glossiness to it.20180901_105036.jpg

Maybe a year later Doug Henning moved from one shithole across the street to an even shittier shithole, and that’s where he stayed until, shocker, his business folded by ’93.

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Well that’s all for this week, come back next time for another deep dive into a middle-age man-child’s happy place.  That didn’t come out right.  Come back in 2 weeks for another Fitz’s Toy Chest!

Episode 062: You Can Suckle At My Left Nut

In thi20180825_183555s episode, after last episode’s abrupt ending and a few days off, the fellas are back to finish talking about Fitz’s trip to Wizard World Chicago!

We start with an intro from Colonel Brian “Q” Quinn (story coming in ep 64), then dive back in head first to the seedy underbelly of paying for sketches, Star Wars artists being charming shitbags, and gay pirate recruitment.

The best stores to get blown in are debated, more Foley details get revealed, less taco stories surface, Indiana Jones is beautiful, and somebody has an attitude problem all in this snappy ep of your favorite unknown dillhole show, so enjoy and tell your friends!

URL: Episode 062: You Can Suckle At My Left Nut
Direct Download: tnb062.mp3

TNB Commentaries 023: Scooby-Doo And The Witch’s Ghost

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Please turn off your cellphones, grab a box of Scooby Snacks, and climb into the Mystery Machine, gang.

For our 23rd commentary, we cast a spell on you and take you back to 1999 for this classic animated adventure starring Frank Welker, Tim Curry, Mary Kay Bergman, B.J. Ward, Scott Innes, & Jennifer Hale as a more mature version of the Mystery Incorporated gang and friends.

We dive deep into our love of various forms of animation, examining the works of Aardman, the differences in styles of stop motion and our preferences, talk some memes making the rounds, and then realize this is supposed to be a commentary.

Enjoy this jam packed episode as we join Doom’s childhood, already in progress.

URL: TNB Commentaries 023: Scooby-Doo And The Witch’s Ghost
Direct Download:tnbc-023-scooby-doo-and-the-witchs-ghost.mp3

This has been a feature of TS-D/JA Productions and JJ2E Media 2018

Fitz’s Toy Chest: #2 – Obi-Wan Kenobi

Last time on Fitz’s Toy Chest, I shared the story of my very first 3 3/4″ figure. It was not surprisingly from Kenner’s line of Star Wars figures. That figure would prove to be the very tippiest tip of the iceberg.

So, without further ado let’s see what’s in Fitz’s Toy Chest this time…

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Company: Kenner
Acquisition Year: 1978
Acquired via: Purchase, Gacen Drugs
Years In Possession: 40

222-2088-001.jpgIt should come as no surprise to anyone that I’m keeping with the early Kenner Star Wars theme, but there’s another reason why I chose to showcase Obi-Wan this week.

Last time I teased one of my earliest Star Wars memories, something my mom said as we were rifling through the figures for the first of what would be many MANY times over the years.

At that time I’m not sure that I had even seen the film yet, and if I had it was once at the most. It would be years and years until my mom would see the first Star Wars, not until the arrival of VHS in fact. So between the two of us we knew next to nothing about the world of Star Wars, and I can see and hear as clear as if it were yesterday, my mom taking a figure off the peg and lowering it down to me (yes, I was that small at the time) to look at. She said “Oh look at this one! This is Luke Skywalker’s father!”

The figure she had chosen was, you guessed it, Obi-Wan. So close mom. So. SO close.

It was a reasonable assumption, and I’m sure she only made the connection because the old white haired dude had been hanging next to a figure boldly labelled LUKE SKYWALKER, but turns out she wasn’t nearly as far off as I thought at the time.C3PO Card Back

The other thing about some of the old Kenner figures, especially in that first line, was their smell. There were no “soft goods” in those days and instead of cool cloth capes, Obi-Wan, Leia, Vader, the Sandpeople all came with crude vinyl approximations of capes.

When you first cracked open one of those figures you were hit with the smell of those vinyl capes. It was almost like a new car smell. In a way I guess it was the kid version of that. There have been many times over the years where I catch a whiff of a similar plasticky odor (like a fresh shower curtain for example) and I almost get goosebumps. That smell is forever imprinted in my olfactory system.

Sadly, those capes weren’t very durable and after a few years of heavy play they always developed splits around the arm holes that eventually grew until the cape was in tatters and unusable. As you can see my Obi-Wan’s was lost to the ages.

DSC_0222Old Ben was my first experience with the “telescoping” lightsaber feature that Vader and Luke also shared. I remember I used to think it was cool to take the blades out and swap the colors between the three characters. That’s probably why my Obi-Wan has my original Vader’s red lightsaber instead of the proper blue one. Who knows what became of the original. I would always lose the blades and then sometime later they’d turn up again. There were times I remember replacing a missing blade with a round toothpick. Very ghetto, but they worked just fine.

1978/79 would eventually see a second wave of Star Wars figures released. That second wave consisted mostly of brightly dressed cantina creatures and droids. It would be the start of Kenner’s long legacy of putting “blink and you miss them” characters front and center, encouraging kids like me to make them the main protoganists in their own adventures.

Before long I would have the entire line of figures from the first film, and then the wait for Empire would begin…

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Thanks for indulging me for a second time, come back for another installment in 2 weeks! Next time I’ll be switching lanes and sharing something from another line of toys that dominated my childhood and oddly enough led me to a lifelong love of…comics!