A Million Ways To Die In The West Review

I’m not sure how many people are aware of this little nugget of truth or not, but back in the day, right around say…1882ish in a dusty town located eerily near a place that was somewhat reminiscent of Arizona, it was really fuckin’ rough, man.
And when I say rough, I don’t mean “awww balls, the wifi is down again, how ever am I gonna see porn stars hump in 4K ultra high definition now!?”, no, I mean everything seemed as though it was out to kill you.
To boil it all down, there were, in fact, A Million Ways To Die In The West!…ya see what I did there?
I’m feeling awfully clever now.
So let’s take a look at this filthy bastard of a book and see if there’s any gold in them thar hills!

As per the usual, this is your official ****SPOILER ALERT****

Seth MacFarlane, creator or co-creator of Family Guy, American Dad, The Cleveland Show, and The Orville made a big splash in the realm of feature films with 2012’s TED.
It quickly became one of the highest grossing R-rated comedies, and the inevitable question was hurled at Seth.
“What are you going to do next?”
His reply was this movie, and for reasons that I still don’t quite understand, it didn’t really light the world on fire.
Part of me thinks folks still aren’t ready to embrace westerns again and part of me thinks folks are still uncomfortable with such raw filthy jokes coming out of actual human mouths.

Whatever the reasons, I actually loved the movie and think it gets exponentially better with each subsequent viewing.
But one of the things I loved most about the entire experience of the movie was that it was announced that there would be a novelization of the movie written by the writer and director himself, MacFarlane.
Now, anybody who reads these reviews regularly knows that one of my favorite types of novels would be media tie-ins, especially movie novels.
And when after years of looking I finally found this, I was pumped to dive in…then I waited 2 years for it to call out and demand to be read.

Albert Stark is a sheep farmer (and not a good one at that) who hates the raw, untamed west with a passion.
It’s hot, everything and everyone wants to kill, cut, trample, squash, harm, or otherwise mame and dismembered you, his heartless girlfriend just left him for a douchenozzle, and he’s ready to head to civilization, San Francisco!
But a strange and breathtaking new woman, that won’t talk about her past, comes to Old Stump and gives him a reason to hang around town for a spell longer.

This novel really is a strange one, since you rarely see comedy movies get novelized.
In a way, this book reads like a narrative joke book.
Which oddly actually attracts me to it more because it’s so different than most movie novels.
Really, the worst thing I can say about this is that it follows the movie too precisely, which is a trend I am noticing more and more in recent years with novelizations.
There is very little flourish or expansion on what you see on screen, at most there are about 10 alternate lines or jokes.
Mostly, the new prose is added contextual content that you can infer from looks and the relationships featured on screen.

Honestly, the real draw here is seeing how Seth’s voice sounds in a richer and fuller story format.
We know he can handle the coldness of the script format, but there are some writers who seem to struggle in jumping between the 2.
Yeah, well, Seth ain’t one of them.
His descriptions pop (especially if you’ve seen the astoundingly beautiful movie), his pacing is brisk but not rushed, the characters feel as defined on the page as they did on screen, and it’s just plain fun.
The only problem I have with his style would be that there are no chapters in this book at all, it’s just one long piece.
Sure, it has the normal transitional breaks you expect, but if you are a goal oriented reader that loves the mini accomplishment of “I’m gonna read two chapters before bed.” you are S.O.L. and J.W.F. my friend.

Bottomline, I love this story in both formats.
I don’t know what his plans are, but I would love to see Seth write more novels, but originals in the future.
Something that allows him to not feel like he has to so closely follow a prelaid path.
I want to see him unleashed.
Or, hell, I’m sure he has an idea for an episode of The Orville that’s just a bit too big for Hulu!

Share this post on Twitter with the Hashtag #TNBBookReview.

Special thanks to @ACFerrell1976 for her editorial assistance.

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Episode 081: That’s A Nerd A$$hole

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In this episode, Game Of Thrones is nearing it’s end and Fitz is all a-scared of what could happen to all the thrones made of games, the talk about a sparkly new Batman as well…oh, and Doom is a huge dick about spoilers!

Doom brings a book based Pimp Spot that leads us down a rabbit hole of recent reads and spurs on a 10 minute rant about 1 of the most influential writers of the 20th century and his most famous works…then continues that rant into bitching about superhero casting and the internet…can you guess which one of them is doing the ranting?

After 3 years, Fitz has finally turned into a shill, the new version of Pet Semetary is broken down and compared to the original, and then we play Wizard Magazine staff yet again and dream cast the MCU’s Fantastic Four…and it goes…let’s just say it happens, also a tease of an upcoming segment!

URL: Episode 081: That’s A Nerd A$$hole
Direct Download: tnb081.mp3

Episode 079: Pecker Checkin Alien

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In this episode, the fellas are attempting to tell you about some fun they recently engaged in together when the show gets hijacked for another exciting edition of Aw, Son Of A Fitz!

Fitz, Doom, Diddy Bow, and Ang all collided for the 2019 Wizard World St. Louis Comic-Con and we are gonna tell you all about it in this old school lengthened episode of nerdery.

From the dramatic heartbreak of a childhood voice cancelling, to a salty seaman loving pirate pitchman whoring his wares, and an eavesdropping douche, we cover it all and more, gang, in this fun filled installment.

Video featured in Son Of Fitz:
Toy Chica The High School Years

URL: Episode 079: Pecker Checkin Alien
Direct Download: tnb079.mp3

Episode 076: Brian Quinn Presents: TNB Giant Sized Annual #3: Chorizo Dick

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In this episode, the man, the myth, the legend that is the icon known as J Sarge makes his triumphant return to the realm known as The Nerd Blitz to take up his sword and continue our quest to kill a murderous dragon!

We start off with J Sarge making a cruel and unusual request of Doom, have a triple threat existential crisis, make far more tasteless jokes than would ever be considered necessary, and have fun rolling diceseses all while Fitz tries to keep the other 2 in line and on task.

Whether you have been here since the beginning or this is your first episode, we want to thank you all for joining us in our celebration of our 3rd anniversary of this podcasting adventure, so sit back, relax, and enjoy as we do what we do best…filth and fun!

URL: Episode 076: Brian Quinn Presents: TNB Giant Sized Annual #3: Chorizo Dick
Direct Download: tnb076.mp3

TNB Commentaries 034: Wrestlemania 25 – Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker

wwe-wrestlemania-25-dvd-coverPlease turn off your cellphones and meet us ringside for a match that will go down in legend as an undisputed all time great!

For our 34th Commentary, we lace up our boots and head back a decade to April 5th 2009 for an incredible match between “The Heart Break Kid” Shawn Michaels & “The Demon Of Death” Valley The Undertaker at WrestleMania 25.

Doom shows off his match picking prowess as Fitz decides he needs another streaming service, then they mock questionable announcer calls, and cringe at death defying dives in this jam packed ep you won’t want to miss, gang!

URL: TNB Commentaries 034: Wrestlemania 25 – Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
Direct Download:tnbc-034-wm25.mp3

This has been a feature of TS-D/JA Productions and JJ2E Media 2019

TNB Commentaries 033: Killer Klowns From Outer Space (B-Movie March!)

p10884_v_v8_aaPlease turn off your kellphones and wrap yo ass in kotton kandy and popcorn as we bring B-Movie March to a seemingly unexpected and disturbing konclusion!

For our 33rd Kommentary, we take a trip back to 1988 for this klassic klown kaper starring Grant Cramer, Suzanne Snyder, & John Allen Nelson.

As we klose out this year’s B-Movie Month, we discuss what plans we have for next year, possible Klown Kar sightings in the real world, Doom konfuses everything, and they konnect this to a recent main show topic.

Thanks for taking part this year, gang!

URL: TNB Commentaries 033: Killer Klowns From Outer Space (B-Movie March!)
Direct Download:tnbc-033-killer-klowns-from-outer-space.mp3

This has been a feature of TS-D/JA Productions and JJ2E Media 2019

Episode 074: Cartoon Maroons Vol 2 – The One With The Bike Shop

05fc538fad2a33093fbb9984bc2ea36cIn this episode, the fellas are taking a trip back to the bike shop and making bold claims while also clarifying shocking statements from recently past episodes.

Fitz starts off talking about comics and just who exactly happens to be the perfect specimen of a man, while Doom gets creepy and connects EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN THING TO SCOOBY!

Then we take a deep dive into our cartoon lists and talk robuts, scary war, animals, them titty shows, all kinds of the animes, and Mr. T rolling around with some kids in a van in a jam packed ep of goodness.

 

URL: Episode 074: Cartoon Maroons Vol 2 – The One With The Bike Shop
Direct Download: tnb074.mp3